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It’s not the fear of muggers or teenage hoodie gangs, neither is it knife wielding maniacs or even, God help us, charity collectors. No, there’s something far worse, a whole disgruntled section of society with a score to settle threatening to take control of the very pavements we walk on. Old folks; not just any old folks but little old ladies on mobility scooters - otherwise known as Granny Zoomers. There was a time when you only had to watch out for the occasional paper boy on his bike or a young rascal hurtling down the hill on a skateboard but now times have changed. For too long on the receiving end of endless Zimmer frame jokes, the old folks are fighting back with a determination to break as many ankles and run over as many toes as is possible on a single charge. | |
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In increasing unlicensed and uninsured numbers the aged are taking to the pavements on electric chariots which would not look out of place pulling Jumbo Jets around at Heathrow airport. Gleefully they race through shopping centres on their bull-bared four wheel drive Granny Zoomers, scattering innocent pedestrians in all directions. There was a time when you could take refuge in a shop, protected behind a revolving door or flight of steps but no longer. Disabled access ramps have given hells grannies the opportunity they craved to career around even the most crowded sales floor. So now the only safe place is in your own home where you must cower waiting for the day when you qualify for a GZ of your own. The day when your sight is all but gone, your reactions are almost zero and your hips set off the metal detectors at the airport. |
According to reports a local hooligan recently came to grief following a high speed police chase on a vehicle stolen from outside the day care centre. The hoodlum was spotted doing doughnuts and handbrake turns in the High Street but was caught after crashing when police deployed a stinger. |
